The Other Shoe

I have to say for the last week…since I found out my beta was negative really…things have been good. I’ve been happy and feeling good.

While I’m generally optimistic (or try to be) but I do tend to look for “the other shoe to drop” when things are good. Just yesterday afternoon I was on the subway and thought to myself, “I wonder how long this will last.”

Well…I got maybe an hour and a half after that before the other shoe fell…

This time it came to my inbox. An email from a friend from college…with a picture attached…titled “Scheduled to arrive December 23rd.” Of course it was an ultrasound picture. I immediately emailed him back congratulating him and his new wife, (yea that’s right they are married under a year) wishing that she was feeling well and things go smoothly.

I spent the rest of the night in a daze…and ended up crying myself to sleep. (Much to my husband’s dismay.) This is the 3rd pregnancy I’ve heard of since my pregnancy ended. And each did cause me to kinda take a deep breath…but after hearing about a co-workers latest ultrasound (his wife is having twins) earlier that day and seeing nothing but pregnant women on the way home…this news tipped the scales and made it all too much to handle.

Add that to the anxiety I have about going to my family reunion this weekend and well crying was just inevitable. (Since our last family reunion last summer there have been 4 babies born. I have successfully avoided seeing them until now. I figure I just have to go and deal.)

I can’t help but wonder…will it ever get easier?

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4 thoughts on “The Other Shoe

  1. Oh I’m so sorry. I can’t say for sure that things will get easier, but I think we learn to deal with them better. Maybe. I’m sending you (((hugs))) and hoping you can make it through the reunion ok. You seem to be a strong person so I think you will do just fine.

  2. It does get easier. But *those* days still pop up from time to time, annoyingly enough. Most days I feel strong and in control. Some days my evil voice pops up and starts chanting about how it will never be my turn and I listen eagerly. Luckily the good days outweigh the bad.

    Many hugs and much peace to you on your journey.

  3. It is so difficult to deal with ALL the pregnancies and babies. I am sorry for your loss and hardship. I think it’s important that you allow yourself to feel sad about the new babies in your family and do whatever you have to do “deal” with it. My family had 3 new babies from one Christmas to the next with a pregnancy in there too. It was tough.
    If you get a chance check out my non profit blog and website.
    http://www.parenthoodforme.org.
    We need help spreading the word.
    Thanks,
    Erica

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