Here is one of those posts I started while visiting Migraineland…
Every year for the past 8 years my mother’s extended family gathers in a bungalow colony at the edge of the Catskills for a family reunion. When all of us are present we exceed 30 people. (Kids included.) This year we are plus four…all about 9-10 months old. Frankly I had been preparing to meet them at this year’s reunion since they were all born last fall (within 3 weeks of each other)…but I’ve really been gearing up since the miscarriage. Because, while I was able to avoid the majority of family functions since last fall…this one isn’t an option for me. It is the one time of year that everyone is there. Yes, things do pop up…but it’s really the one thing a year everyone seems to get to…so unless one of us is sick we go.
For the most part I think I did pretty well. No one (other than NewsBoy that is) even knew I was upset when I inevitably got upset. And I had a good time.
There was really only one thing that nearly sent me into NewsBoy’s arms in tears. (I was able to pull myself together without tears.) Yes there were moments when I felt sorry for myself…seeing new grandparents giddy while playing with new grandkids in a kiddie pool, thinking that should be my parents…when one baby was thrust into my arms and giggled…when I realized that had I not miscarried I would have been pregnant enough to announce my pregnancy to my family…when my inner monologue lamented “that will never be me.” But over all I was able to enjoy the time with my family.
Of course, I didn’t get through the day without incident. Upon arrival, one cousin screamed “Oh my how this family is growing by leaps and bounds!” Okay, so that was a bit harsh. But when she then turned to me and quietly said, “With no help from you.” Well it’s quite the miracle I didn’t punch her. (I’ve since found out that my SIL, who only heard the first part, also nearly punched her.)
Although in full disclosure she – like most of my extended family – has no idea I want children, never mind that I am infertile. But still…that one hurt a lot. This specific cousin however gets more blunt and tactless the older she gets…I also like her less and less as the years go by. I’m sure you have a relative just like her. She’s the one who is obsessed with everyone else’s business and always has something to say about everything.
But I survived the day. And really I think it was an important step for me.