As of today my SIL is officially 12 weeks pregnant.
So of course, as they are safely through the first trimester and the baby is healthy, they are going to start telling people. As luck (or maybe someone just wants me to be in pain) would have it Rosh Hashanah starts tonight. Tonight NewsBoy and I will be with his family. Tomorrow we will be with mine. My Brother and SIL plan on telling people at the very large family dinner tomorrow night. My Mom (being the saint she is and knowing I do not do well with surprises) warned me that they were planning on this. I cried on and off all night, and am fighting tears as I type. I cried myself to sleep (After taking half a Xanex).
But here’s what I’ve realized…I am no where near okay with or “over” (for lack of a better word) the miscarriage I had in July. I am still overwhelmingly sad about it. Hell today, I feel a bit like I’m drowning in it.
Although I suppose the silver lining in all of this is that I’ve also realized that I’m not angry with them or anything like that…just overwhelmingly sad for me and NewsBoy. And it is that sadness that is preventing me from being happy and excited for them. My heart wants to be happy for them…I just can’t get past the sadness that seems to be surrounding it.
So please…how do you move on? How do you get to a place where you are okay?