How Do I Move On?

As of today my SIL is officially 12 weeks pregnant.

So of course, as they are safely through the first trimester and the baby is healthy, they are going to start telling people. As luck (or maybe someone just wants me to be in pain) would have it Rosh Hashanah starts tonight. Tonight NewsBoy and I will be with his family. Tomorrow we will be with mine. My Brother and SIL plan on telling people at the very large family dinner tomorrow night. My Mom (being the saint she is and knowing I do not do well with surprises) warned me that they were planning on this. I cried on and off all night, and am fighting tears as I type. I cried myself to sleep (After taking half a Xanex).

But here’s what I’ve realized…I am no where near okay with or “over” (for lack of a better word) the miscarriage I had in July. I am still overwhelmingly sad about it. Hell today, I feel a bit like I’m drowning in it.

Although I suppose the silver lining in all of this is that I’ve also realized that I’m not angry with them or anything like that…just overwhelmingly sad for me and NewsBoy. And it is that sadness that is preventing me from being happy and excited for them. My heart wants to be happy for them…I just can’t get past the sadness that seems to be surrounding it.

So please…how do you move on? How do you get to a place where you are okay?

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4 thoughts on “How Do I Move On?

  1. Oh hon, I WISH I had the answer because I’m wondering that as well and my last miscarriage was in Feb!

    I offer you strength and courage to face that big family dinner….

    xxxx

  2. I’m so sorry. So incredibly sorry for you. I wish I could give you the magic answer on how you move on. I, like your previous commenter, haven’t found the way to move past the hurt and pain of just having Infertility. I can’t even imagine what it’s like when you add a miscarriage to the IF equation.

    All I can offer you is my support and ((hugs)) and I hope that tomorrow brings a better day.

  3. My last miscarriage was 2 years ago, and I still struggle regularly. At least you have friends who love you and will help you through this so that you can get to a point where you’re happy for them, and have it not depend on you getting pregnant too.
    Big Hugs from IvoryGirl

  4. My nephew is 5 months old and, though I wish I could say I’m okay now, the sadness still hasn’t passed. He was conceived, born, and will turn at least one before I give birth to a child. It’s hard because you want to be happy for your family, but at the same time it’s a daily reminder of what you don’t have. Lean on your husband and your support system as much as possible, and turn on your selective hearing at family functions. I wish I had better advice, but that’s about all that works for me.

    Best of luck to you with the big dinner/announcement. (((hugs)))

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