Subway Etiquette

In general when on the subway I stand. Or rather I did before I got pregnant. Sure if I’ll sit if there’s a seat or if it’s a long ride. But the vast majority of the time I will stand. And honestly most of the time now I still stand.

Now, while it isn’t a rule, general subway etiquette says that you get up and give your seat to someone who is injured or pregnant. I have never seen anyone (but myself, friends I’m with or NewsBoy) actually do this.

So imagine my shock when not once but twice this week I was offered a seat by a stranger! One went as far as to yell at a young kid who was about to sit in the seat she had just vacated for me.

I thanked her profusely but said that I had been sitting all day and would be getting off at the next stop so I didn’t want the seat.

Don’t believe everything you read folks…there are kind New Yorkers.

It’s All Good

This morning I went for my monthly OB appointment. I’m 22 weeks and 3 days today. In true NewsGirl fashion, I overslept. The alarm blared for a good fifteen minutes before I heard it. When I finally did hear it I leapt (yes leapt) from my bed and got showered, pretty and dressed in record time. I ran downstairs grabbed my stuff and got in the car.

Somehow I got to the doctor’s office twenty minutes early! For the first time since I started going to this office, I waited for under five minutes before being called in by the nurse. Shocking!

The appointment was uneventful. All is well. The baby’s heart rate was good, even though my Monkey* was moving so much it took a while to get an accurate reading. The doctor smiled as she told me how active the baby was but otherwise she seemed terribly bored with me. We talked about the various questions I had and I was sent on my way with the traditional “see you in a month” good-bye.

I made my next appointment and rushed to get home so I could catch the earlier train into the city. No dice…I would have missed it. (This is mainly because I’m unable to walk as fast as I once could.) So I ate breakfast at home and used my new coffee pot for the first time! My in laws gave me a new coffee pot (to match my new kitchen) for Christmas. At that point coffee was making me sick. So I avoided it for a long time. At my sister in law’s baby shower the smell of coffee was suddenly marvelous. So I tried some…it was as wonderful as I remembered! Lately on the way into work I’ve been picking up a cup as well. (Since I haven’t learned how to use the new coffee pot’s auto brew function yet!) But I spent some time with my new coffee pot this morning. We got acquainted. And the coffee pot rewarded me with an amazing cup of coffee.

So all in all it was a good morning.

While I was eating I IM’d with NewsBoy and filled him in on my visit and how our Monkey is doing. He finally said to me “Say it with me, everything is great.” I couldn’t. Still can’t do that. Part of me is still preparing for the other shoe to drop and something to be wrong. I think I just need to accept that I will feel this way until I am holding this baby in my arms. I’ve just been through too much to feel any other way.

And you know what? That’s okay.

*I’m going to need to come up with another nickname for the baby, as I’ve learned that Tori Spelling refers to her child as Monkey…and I can’t have that. But until I do come up with a new nickname I will continue to use Monkey.

At a Verbal Loss

So there is quite a bit going on…I’m back at work. YAY!

We had our anatomy scan two weeks ago. That was amazing. I’ve started to write about it several times now, but because of some post scan drama I can’t seem to convey what I want to say. (Before you get too excited…or nervous…I’m okay as is baby. I’ve taken to calling the baby “Monkey”. Don’t ask why…I don’t know.) Newsboy and I…okay I…decided maybe a little to late that we wanted to keep the information to ourselves for a bit. My parents and brother were none too happy about this. And so there was big drama. This drama…that I’m still trying to figure out how to write about without rambling…has really colored the way I look at the entire thing. This scan should have been an amazing and wonderful thing. For a while it was. In the weeks leading up to the scan I had finally somewhat relaxed and begun to enjoy this pregnancy. We learned that all of our genetic testing came back perfectly. So the baby was (is) healthy. But because of the way my family reacted to the scan it is tainted…and I’m leaning towards anxious again.

Since I’m not sure how to tell you all about it…I’m moving on…

My brother and SIL’s baby will be born any day now. (She was due on April 2nd and there’s no baby yet! She’ll be induced on Friday.) I’m not sure how I feel about this. I’m excited for them, and looking forward to having another niece or nephew. My parents are beside themselves they are so excited to greet their first grandchild. But in the back of my head there is this tiny little voice that keeps reminding me that their first grandchild should be seven weeks old today. That just won’t go away. I’m worried I won’t react properly when I’m at the hospital with them because of this.

It’s no longer a constant thought, as it once was, but it is still very much there. And a part of me feels like I’m cheating the child inside me because I can’t let go of the brother or sister my Monkey would have, should have, had.

Then again everything seems like too much to handle lately. I feel scattered. I’m easily irritated. I don’t like being ruled by my emotions. It takes me too long to get past the overwhelming emotional initial reaction that I have to get to the rational thoughts that help me deal with whatever is going on. I’m blaming the lack of Prozac. I suppose the lack of sleep doesn’t help much either. (Thanks to a cold that seems to have transitioned into allergies breathing is difficult.)

Maybe it’s like this for all pregnant women? I don’t know. But because of all of this that is going on in my head and in my life…I’m at a bit of a verbal loss. And as a writer, that is one of the most frustrating things in the world. And for this writer…even more so…because I work things out best when I can write them out and step away from them. And I can’t do that right now.