Time Flies

NewsBaby is 17 weeks old today. That’s 119 days since she was born. I can not believe it’s been that long and yet I can’t imagine what life was without her.

Over the last four months I have started many blog posts, but never found the time to fully write them out and share them. So much has happened I’ve become overwhelmed with how to share it here. I’ve started posts entitled “Sleep…What’s that?”; “Feel like a Woman”; “Torn”; “Reflux”; “The 1st 100 Days”; and “Mommy Boot Camp”.

But the one that seems to cover the most ground was one titled “What No One Tells You.” Because I’ve found over the last 119 days that there is so much no one tells prospective Mommies and Daddies.

Everyone will tell you while you are pregnant how little sleep you will get when baby comes home. I even had people tell me how little sleep I’ll get for “the next 18 years” and for the rest of my life. But no one tells you how the word “exhaustion” doesn’t even come close to covering it in those first few months and that after several days of not sleeping you start to lose yourself a bit.

Everyone will tell you that your life will be forever changed. But no one tells you about the strain it can put on your marriage and every other relationship in your life…if you let it.

Everyone will tell you how much you will love your baby. You will love that baby more than you EVER thought you could love anyone. But no one tells you how there are times when you will not only resent that baby, but question why you wanted her in the first place. And no one tells you how overwhelming that guilt can feel.

Everyone will tell you how you will worry about your child for the rest of your life. But no one tells you how helpless you will feel when you can’t make her feel better when she’s hurting. Or how frustrating it is when you can’t figure out exactly what it is that is wrong so you can fix it.

Everyone will tell you that you will have to make very difficult decisions that will decide the course of your child’s life. And everyone from your friends…to your parents…to your in laws…will have (and share) an opinion on what the correct decisions will be for your baby. But no one tells you that you will have to choose between a nap and a shower some days. I never thought that I would have to choose between having a clean house and being clean myself\.

Everyone will warn you about Postpartum Depression. And as someone who’s struggled with depression for 14 years (probably longer…but I was diagnosed 14 years ago) I was, am, hyper-aware of it. But no one tells you that maybe…just maybe your hormones are SO out of whack that you will cry for no reason even after the “baby blues” go away.

Everyone will tell you how amazing it is to be a parent. Everyone will tell you how hard it is to be a parent. But no one tells you how devastatingly lonely it can be at times.

I’m not going to lie. The last four months have been difficult to say the least. They have also been amazing, rewarding, frustrating, exhausting, exhilarating and inspiring. And while I wouldn’t change a moment that I’ve had with NewsBaby (except for that screaming that happened in the middle of the night…all night…before we knew she had reflux) I would have liked to know some of those things that no one tells you, so I wouldn’t have been so blindsided. So instead…I’ll share it with you.