Attacking Women

I am simply baffled by what is going on in Washington and across our country. Thirty-eight years after Roe V Wade politicians are attempting to overturn it by trying to limit our access to reproductive health care. Plain and simple, the government is attacking our civil liberties and fundamental rights as human beings to make our own decisions about what happens in our own bodies.

Before I get to far ahead I do want to say this…if your religious belief is that life begins at conception I respect that. I accept your right as a human being and an American to form this opinion and to act accordingly. But riddle me this friends…why should your religious beliefs dictate my medical decisions?

So why all of a sudden am I getting political? Because it seems that more and more politicians are sticking their noses into my decisions in a very hypocritical manor. In one breath, politicians complain that the government is too intrusive in the lives of Americans and we should have a smaller government. In the very next breath they are proposing laws such as this one , requiring woman to provide proof that a miscarriage occurred naturally. WAIT, WHAT? As if having a miscarriage isn’t difficult enough politicians feel that it’s their job and right to “investigate” the reasons for a miscarriage. Are these men so far removed from reality that they don’t understand that anywhere from 10-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage? Most miscarriages occur in the first trimester without rhyme or reason. (Read all about it here.) All investigating the cause of a miscarriage would achieve is adding more pain to a woman’s situation.This bill is specifically aimed at stopping any attempt to remove a fetus or embryo from a woman’s uterus. And as I’ve said, if it is your belief that live begins at conception by all means do not have an abortion or any procedure that will prevent you from giving birth. However there are medical reasons for abortions. (I’m not even going to discuss the financial and emotional reasons.) Ectopic pregnancy. Cancer. Maternal bleeding. All of these can cause complications to pregnancy that include death to the mother. This bill (and many others that are being considered right now) doesn’t even consider that.

I have had an Ectopic pregnancy. An Ectopic pregnancy, if left untreated, can cause a rupture in your fallopian tube. Do I need to tell you that this is a bad thing? Allow me to say it anyway…any organ that ruptures inside your body is a BAD THING. When my Ectopic pregnancy was diagnosed I was told by my doctor that the best course of treatment was in fact an abortion. I discussed that in my post “Strike One“. Yes, I have had an abortion. My friends have called it a “medically assisted miscarriage.” Call it what you want…it was an abortion. Plain and simple. Any law enforcement official who tried to “investigate” things after the termination of my pregnancy would have been greeted with screaming and tears. It is not the place of our government to be involved in such things. It is NO ONE’S business. This was a medical decision. It was an amazingly difficult and emotional decision…but it was a medical decision nonetheless. (And really what major medical decision isn’t difficult and emotional?) It is not the government’s place to tell me what I can and can not do with my body. Period. End of discussion.

There are a few other bills that are before Congress right now that also, in an ignorant attempt to weaken Roe V Wade, take away women’s reproductive freedom. One of New York’s Congresswomen, Carolyn Maloney, lays these out quite well in her most recent article on the Huffington Post. It is titled “Acts of Outrage, Indifference and Arrogance.” Please go read it.

Ladies and gentlemen these are scary bills. We are on a very slippery slope. Not because of abortion…because of how they limit our rights as human beings to make decisions about our health, our very lives. I fear we are merely moments from some Senator telling us that yearly Mammograms and Pap Smears aren’t necessary. Or from some Congressperson telling us that we can’t remove a tumor from our breasts because our child may some day need that boob for sustenance. With a legislator in Georgia looking to form the “uterus police” anything could be next.

This is not something I want my daughter to have to grow up with…I want her to have the freedom to make the medical decisions she needs to and wants to make without any regard for someone else’s beliefs. And really, isn’t that what we all want? To be able to make our own decisions, right or wrong? Don’t we have the freedom in this country to do so?

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Shower

My baby shower will be this weekend. I was informed by my mother that my brother plans on “stopping by at the end” to show off his new son to our family, because no one has seen him yet.

I have a couple of issues with this….the biggest being it really would have been nice had he asked me if this was okay, instead of just telling my mother that he was doing this. My brother and SIL chose to move two hours from our entire family. That was their choice and so its their own fault no one has seen him.

I also know my brother…he will show up an hour to hour and a half before the shower is supposed to end. I honestly have no problem with him bringing my nephew for the last half hour. But my brother will show up much earlier then that.

Yes there are bigger issues I have with my brother. Like the fact that he and my SIL came up here to get haircuts 15 minutes from my house (at my hair dresser!) and never told me, or my parents. Or the fact that I have been asking to come visit them since my nephew was born over 2 months ago but have been told time and time again that they are too busy to see us only to find out that their friends and my SIL’s family were why they were busy.

But, I’ve waited a long time for this…to actually be ready and excited to celebrate and plan to welcome this child. And I can’t help but (selfishly) feel that my brother is stealing my thunder just a tiny bit.

Exhaustion

I’ve got maybe two or three different posts floating around my head. Random topics and relevant ones as well but i can’t seem to focus enough to get them out.

I’ve been dealing with insomnia. In addition to my insomnia I’m also experiencing severe hip and lower back pain. Enough for me to complain about it. I tend not to complain about pain…I have a high threshold due to two herniated discs in my neck. So pain and numbness aren’t new to me. I’ve been dealing with them for over a decade.

This is different. Sitting…standing…lying down…it hurts. And it’s keeping me awake. Or I should say that it’s waking me up. Once I’m awake…be it 10pm or 2am I’m just awake for the duration.

I went to the doctor about a week ago…after two straight nights of not sleeping at all I realized that something had to change. I go to a group…all but one of whom I like. So of course since it was an “emergency” visit, I had to see the one doctor I really can’t stand. (And that is putting it mildly.) This specific doctor has no bedside manor at all. In fact…he’s a dick. (Again…that’s putting it very mildly.) He’s one of those men who thinks that women are nothing but a vessel for a child. Pregnancy pains and related issues are something to just deal with as far as he is concerned. No matter how bad they are.

So when he finally came into the exam room I was waiting in he said “There’s nothing I can do. You really just have to deal with it, it’s part of pregnancy.” Didn’t even say hello.

I am WELL aware that aches and pains are part of pregnancy. But when said aches and pains are keeping you from sleeping, isn’t that kinda bad for what’s growing inside you? Just saying…

After explaining to him that I haven’t slept because of said hip pain and insomnia in 2 days he gave me a prescription for Ambien. I’ve taken it twice…but the thing is…I’m kinda afraid to keep taking it. I’ve done my research. It’s the same pregnancy class as Benedryl (which my doctor told me I could take if needed.) I’m not sure why I’m not taking it.

But I’m not sleeping. I’ve been up since 3am today. It’s only 10am. Not so sure I’ll make it through the day without (at minimum) freaking out on one of my co-workers.

Belated Poking & Prodding: Part Deux Update…with a little freaking out

So last Thursday’s Poking and Prodding went really well. My beta went up to 21,943 and we were able to see the beginnings of a heartbeat. I was flying high.

But my world came crashing down this morning…I’m spotting.

Yes, it’s just brown. And no there isn’t any cramping. But I am terrified. When I called the RE, Margaret got on the phone with me. As long as there isn’t any cramping and the spotting doesn’t get heavier or change color it’s all normal. Just to be safe I have to go in tomorrow morning.

I am seriously freaking out

Debating Thanksgiving

NewsBoy and I do an every other year thing for Thanksgiving. (You know, one year with his family, the next with mine.) This year we are with my family.

Thanksgiving with my family comes with a caveat. We go to a cousin’s house. Now this cousin has a roommate (LONG STORY SHORT…two women who have been friends for as long as I can remember…own a house together…each adopted a child when they hit 40. But they didn’t adopt together. They are not a couple. Regardless my family refers to this roommate as a “cousin”. I have spoken of this “cousin” here.) So Thanksgiving with my family includes her very large family as well. I admit fully and completely that my family can be very loud, but we’ve got nothing on this “cousin’s” family. They are loud. And obnoxious. They also at this point feel comfortable enough with my family to ask and say whatever it is they want.

For the first time in a very long time my brother and I are on the same Thanksgiving schedule. In addition to this…my Aunt, Uncle and cousins are going to be up from Florida for the holiday weekend. So for the first time in possibly a decade my mother will have not only all of her kids together but her brother and niece and nephew all in the same place.

I honestly don’t know that I can do this. I don’t know that I can go to this house and listen to the, what I’m sure will be incessant, talk of my SIL’s pregnancy. I don’t think I can put on a happy face and pretend to be excited for them when the abyss of sadness goes with me everywhere. I don’t think I can fake it all afternoon and evening. Because while I am happy for them…that’s all I’ve got…I can’t seem to muster excited…and it reminds me of the bitter and angry person I’ve become. I’m also 100% positive that my Uncle will see right through me and I’ll end up having to tell him what we are going through. I don’t know that I want to share this with anyone else. I go back and forth on it constantly. But I’m at the point where I think that no one will know when my next round of IVF will be. I can’t deal with the looks and sounds of pity I get every time my body fails to do what it is supposed to do.

I’ve said as much to my mother. The first time we spoke after I got the last BFN I said that I wasn’t sure I could go to Thanksgiving. Being the saint she is she of course told me to do whatever it is I need to do.

So I’m not sure what to do. Whether or not I go to Thanksgiving I will see my Aunt, Uncle, cousins and the “cousins” who host Thanksgiving. The Saturday after Thanksgiving we will all be getting together for a surprise early birthday dinner for my Mom. So any which way you slice it I will have to deal with my family…but the question is just how much I can handle?

So what do you think? Do I go to Thanksgiving?