Post Shower Report

I had a great time on Saturday. It was so nice to see and visit with everyone.

The only issue…my SIL. She showed up about half an hour to 45 minutes late…with my nephew. That’s right. She brought the baby, without a word to me or my mother. Not only did she bring the baby…but when she finally got there she made a bee line for my family where the baby was promptly passed around and cooed over. After she and my nephew worked their way around the room, about 20 minutes after they arrived, she finally greeted me.

I got to hold him…for about five minutes before he was scooped out of my arms to be given to another family member.

I was livid.

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Shower

My baby shower will be this weekend. I was informed by my mother that my brother plans on “stopping by at the end” to show off his new son to our family, because no one has seen him yet.

I have a couple of issues with this….the biggest being it really would have been nice had he asked me if this was okay, instead of just telling my mother that he was doing this. My brother and SIL chose to move two hours from our entire family. That was their choice and so its their own fault no one has seen him.

I also know my brother…he will show up an hour to hour and a half before the shower is supposed to end. I honestly have no problem with him bringing my nephew for the last half hour. But my brother will show up much earlier then that.

Yes there are bigger issues I have with my brother. Like the fact that he and my SIL came up here to get haircuts 15 minutes from my house (at my hair dresser!) and never told me, or my parents. Or the fact that I have been asking to come visit them since my nephew was born over 2 months ago but have been told time and time again that they are too busy to see us only to find out that their friends and my SIL’s family were why they were busy.

But, I’ve waited a long time for this…to actually be ready and excited to celebrate and plan to welcome this child. And I can’t help but (selfishly) feel that my brother is stealing my thunder just a tiny bit.

The Name Game

In addition to all of the other things NewsBoy and I are doing in preparation for Humphrey’s arrival we are also trying to pick a name. This is MUCH harder than I thought it would be!

While NewsBoy and I know if Humphrey is a boy or girl, we are not sharing that information with anyone but our parents and siblings. (I think we’d have kept it to ourselves had it not been for the Anatomy Scan debacle. ) We are not however sharing the names we are considering with anyone. I’ve watched too many people get upset and annoyed when names they love get blasted by friends and family members. I have no interest in dealing with that in any capacity. I’d also like to keep at least something just between NewsBoy and I. (Sometimes it feels like with everyone else’s excitement and desire for knowledge the fact that this is about us and our family growing gets lost a bit. ) And frankly, I just don’t care about what other people think I should name my child.

The vast majority of people don’t really have an issue with this at all. Granted, most are annoyed that we know Humphrey’s sex and aren’t sharing…but that’s become a fun game for me. At work my co-workers have taken to try to get me to use the proper pronoun. It amuses me. But I digress, everyone seems to get the name thing….that is except my Father.

My Dad can’t seem to accept anything the way I want to do them during this pregnancy. From the moment we told my parents that we were expecting he jumped ahead what felt like a million steps. I was all of 5 weeks pregnant and terrified that everything would go to shit once again. Dad’s main focus? When can he tell his family? And it was a boy…cause I would give him a Grandson. He hasn’t once comprehended that maybe I needed to do things slower because of everything I’d been through. Never mind that it was ludicrously early. Even after explaining to him a few weeks later that I needed him to go at my pace because I was scared my body would fail me again as it had for the last two years…he rolled his eyes and told me I was wrong. When he found out my best friend knew I was pregnant before I allowed him to tell the family I was greeted regularly with snide comments. It got to the point where I finally said that my in-laws were content to follow my lead and haven’t bothered me at all about anything, and that I never thought someone else’s parents would follow my wishes better than my own. My in-laws even came up with a code so we could talk about my pregnancy without using words I wasn’t ready to use. I was so touched by the way that my husband’s parents were just accepting of my fear and neurosis that it hurt that much more when my own parents kept telling me that I should get over the lost child, my fears and just be happy. As you all well know, I am still not over any of the miscarriages I’ve had, especially the one last July. Am I coping and dealing with them better? Absolutely. But I don’t think that pain will ever fully go away, no matter how many children we may have in the future. It will be four years Labor Day weekend this year since my first miscarriage and I still think about that child from time to time (I’m also acutely aware of when that child’s birthday would have been). And at that point in my life I didn’t even want kids! Neither of my parents can seem to understand that I carry both of those miscarriages with me no matter where I go or what I do . I’ve always been close with my parents and for them to disregard and dismiss my feelings in this way was hard for me. It continues to be hard for me.

When the whole Anatomy scan debacle happened it was never about what NewsBoy and I wanted but how I hurt them by not wanting to share Humphrey’s sex with them. My Father specifically was quite nasty. And I’m not sure they still understand how much they have upset me over the course of this pregnancy. Somehow I did get them to agree to not tell anyone the baby’s sex. Although I’m not sure they’ve stuck to that.

So back to the name game…we aren’t telling anyone any of the names we are considering. Once again, my Father is not okay with this. Sure he jokes about outlandish names, but I know him well enough to know that’s his way of trying to get the information he wants to know. This week my Dad was kind enough to sit at our house one day while we went to work so the painters could start on the house. While we were waiting for the painter to arrive on Tuesday morning he says, “Tell me a secret.” I cocked an eyebrow and he continues by saying, “tell me what names you are thinking about. ” I, of course, said no. I also reminded him that any name he suggests will not be used. (I foolishly thought that rule might keep him from suggesting names I’d actually want to use. How wrong I was…) He went on. “Well Sam’s a nice name. “. Of course that is one of our top (if not the top) names. So I smiled and told him it was a nice name but we won’t be using it since he’s suggested it. He pouted. Fortunately the painter showed up, ending the conversation.

But here’s my thing…Sam was my Grandfather’s name. (Dad’s dad). Really both NewsBoy and I really just like the name (FYI we are talking either Samuel for a boy and Samantha for a girl.) My choice in Sam had nothing to do with my Grandfather. It has always been (even before I wanted kids) one of my favorite names. And our naming our child Sam wouldn’t be about my father’s father. If I were to name a child after one of my Grandparents it would likely be my Mom’s parents. I was much closer with them. My father would never get that. My fear is that he’ll just assume my child is named for his father and mention this to anyone who will listen. Why is this a problem you may ask? I mean really NewsGirl let the man think whatever the hell he wants! Mainly I’m really worried that my Dads bragging (and I promise you there will be bragging) will upset not only my MIL but my Mom as well. That’s not something I want or need to deal with when this child arrives…or really at any point in my life. So now I don’t know that we will use Sam. (In fact, I’m nearly positive we will not be using the name Sam.) That just upsets me, and its something my Father will never understand. And that upsets me even more.

So what do you think friends? What would you do if you were me?

Celebrity IVF

Generally I’m not a Celine Dion fan. I do like some of her music, but I wouldn’t have gone out of my way for any of it. But now…consider me a fan.

You haven’t heard? After undergoing 6 rounds of IVF Celine and hubby Rene are expecting twins. Read all about it here in People Magazine. I applaud her for “Coming Out of the Infertility Closet”. I wish more celebrities would be as open and honest as she has been. I wish we could all be as comfortable as she seems being open about our infertility.

Perhaps if Hollywood were more open about all the fertility treatments they undergo the rest of us wouldn’t find it so hard to share our journeys with others.

Time to Write

Since my last post things have been hectic. I’ve started at least a dozen posts in my head…and at least three are saved as drafts waiting to be finished here. Since going back to work NewsBoy and I have been going constantly on the weekend for various activities. So here are some brief updates:

  • My Brother’s son was born on April 9th. Due to a meeting I could not avoid I wasn’t able to meet my new nephew until the next day. The morning he was born was rough for me…It made me realize that I don’t think I will ever get over the pregnancy I lost last July. I will never be okay with the fact that my baby brother gave my parents their first grandchild. But I’m dealing with it…
  • Our general contractor has finished all of our inside house work! YAY!
  • We have painters coming this week to do all of the painting in the house.
  • While there was drama over it…My baby shower is now planned and everything is all set. (You see I’m Jewish…so my Mom and MIL aren’t that thrilled as Jews tend to not have baby showers because they feel it’s bad luck. I never held this with this particular superstition. I won’t deny I have many others…but this one…mainly because of all my Catholic friends who have had baby showers and healthy happy babies…doesn’t hold water for me.)
  • Work has been insane. Normally I have a busy job but it’s manageable because there are 2 people (like my work wife!) in my department. This time due to budget restrictions it’s just me..and now a couple of interns…so I’m doing everything with no one to back me up. It’s taking a toll.  I am okay…but exhausted.
  • I am 29 Weeks and 5 days today. Alls well in my belly. My little Humphrey is moving and growing. I go back to the doctor on Friday for my next check up.

Those are the highlights. I won’t go into the latest drama with my brother because frankly I don’t have the energy or time right now. I have to go eat and get ready to get to my older nephew’s baseball game.

I hope to be able to write more soon…I know that it helps me to maintain my sanity (which at times lately feels like it might just be slipping away. NewsBoy and I have learned that hormonal +tired+unmediated=very bad things. But honestly I’m doing okay.)

Subway Etiquette

In general when on the subway I stand. Or rather I did before I got pregnant. Sure if I’ll sit if there’s a seat or if it’s a long ride. But the vast majority of the time I will stand. And honestly most of the time now I still stand.

Now, while it isn’t a rule, general subway etiquette says that you get up and give your seat to someone who is injured or pregnant. I have never seen anyone (but myself, friends I’m with or NewsBoy) actually do this.

So imagine my shock when not once but twice this week I was offered a seat by a stranger! One went as far as to yell at a young kid who was about to sit in the seat she had just vacated for me.

I thanked her profusely but said that I had been sitting all day and would be getting off at the next stop so I didn’t want the seat.

Don’t believe everything you read folks…there are kind New Yorkers.